Once a place where mainly gay men let loose, straight women and heterosexual are couples are now muscling in on the action of chemsex parties.
Taking part behind closed doors at an alarming rate across London, a chemsex party is one where drugs like MDMA, GHB, ketamine or methamphetamine are taken to lower inhibitions and enhance sex.
If it’s a casual, impromptu invitation, you and like-minded friends will go back to a private place, take drugs and then have sex with each other.
If it’s a larger, organised event you’ll find beds set up and condoms and lube provided when you arrive at the venue.
While attendees say it an lead to euphoric highs and incredible sex, experts have issued warnings over the alarming scale of linked deaths.
According to figures seen by , chemsex — particularly popular among gay men but also with some heterosexuals — is believed to be responsible for three deaths every month in London alone.
But, those close to the community affected say the true death toll is likely to be far higher, given there is no data tracking exactly how many fatalities are linked to chemsex-related harms. The real figure is believed to stand closer to 1,000 deaths in just a decade.
The fall-out from such parties can destroy lives, last week reported on how celebrity lawyer Henry Hendron’s life spiralled after waking up next to his dead 18-year-old boyfriend following a drug-fuelled chemsex party.
Once a place where mainly gay men let loose, straight women and heterosexual are couples are now muscling in on the action of chemsex parties. TRACEY COX explores
So why then are straight couples – and in particular women – starting to experiment with drug-enhanced sex?
The increase in women heading to chem sex parties certainly marks a shift in how straight women are exploring their sexuality, but this particular trend comes with a huge warning.
Read on to find out what happens, and why these parties can be an extremely dangerous form of experimentation.
WHAT HAPPENS AT A CHEM SEX PARTY?
Last week, the Mail’s story on a former nursery worker who got involved in wild chemsex parties – gatherings where drug use and sexual exploration intersect – went viral.
There’s a reason why: the chemsex party scene has evolved.
Generally, they start off like any party: there’s music playing and everyone has a few drinks and socialises.
You’ll either bring your own or be provided with the drugs.
Most of the straight women I spoke to said they’d taken MDMA (or ecstasy), ketamine or cocaine.
Gay chem sex parties often have GHB and mephedrone (meow meow) also on offer.
Mephedrone is snorted like cocaine and, like ecstasy, causes euphoria.
Once the drugs kick in, the sex starts.
It might be one-on-one and between established couples or sex with strangers or group sex.
The increase in women heading to chem sex parties marks an intriguing shift in how straight women are exploring their sexuality and breaking from traditional sexual narratives. Like the one that says that women are ‘naturally’ monogamous, don’t really enjoy sex and aren’t interested in experimenting (stock image)
Experimentation and exploration are encouraged with some people having multiple partners and enjoying lots of different sex acts.
Some organised events have ‘house rules’ (you must use condoms etc) but most are more fluid with an atmosphere of anything goes. Drugs are consumed throughout – sometimes with lines of powder sprinkled on genitals or body parts that are then licked off.
Because MDMA and other drugs promote feeling overwhelming love as well as lust, they can end in what’s sometimes called a ‘cuddle puddle’.
WHAT’S THE APPEAL?
All the issues lots of women struggle with around sex can appear to magically disappear once you add drugs like ecstasy into the mix.
Drugs increase desire and for lots of women who struggle to ‘get in the mood’ – particularly in long-term relationships – this is a huge motivator.
It’s also the reason why lots of long-term couples who go to chemsex parties end up taking drugs like MDMA when home alone as well.
Some people say stops sex from becoming boring.
A lot of women find the type of sex on offer in a long-term relationship uninspiring. What their lover lacks in ingenuity, drugs can provide. ‘
The drugs used at chem sex parties amplify physical sensations and emotional responses.
Many women say the combination of lowered inhibitions and increased sensitivity to touch creates a profound experience.
You can experiment without judgement. It’s ironic. I get lots of feedback from men, asking me why their female partners aren’t more open to exploring new things.
I also get lots of emails from women who’ve been judged and called a ‘slut’ for daring to suggest experimenting with their partner.
Men say they want a woman who is up for everything but then can feel threatened when it happens.
Lots of women said they found it liberating, being able to explore their sexuality without judgement at a chem sex party.
Body image issues can also disappear. All insecurities disappear as the drugs encourage dopamine to hit your blood system.
MDMA can make the most insecure woman feel beautiful and confident. There’s no body shame during sex: quite the opposite. ‘The only time I have ever accepted and loved my body exactly how it is was when I took ecstasy,’ one woman told me.
Women are curious.
Social media and word of mouth can normalise what was once a niche experience, encouraging women to experiment in what they see as a safe space.
It’s exciting to let go of daily pressures and immerse yourself in a world guided only by pleasure.
It’s all sounding pretty good to you?
Not so fast…
THE DOWNSIDES
While the allure is chem sex parties is undeniable for some, there are obvious (and not so obvious) downsides.
Drugs are dangerous. I know I’m stating the obvious but it’s also the combination of drugs that increase the usual risk factors.
Men often take MDMA and Viagra to compensate for their inability to get an erection.
This can lead to heart problems and/or erections that last for hours (not as fun as it sounds).
Taking drugs leaves you vulnerable.
Drugs like MDMA are intensely enjoyable: that’s why people take them. When you’re enjoying something, you want it to last – and last. ‘More! More! More!,’ your brain says.
Next thing you know, you’ve taken too much and aren’t in control of anything anymore.
This leaves you exceptionally vulnerable: unable to refused unwanted advances or ask for or give consent.
Challenges with consent and safe decision making are obvious risks.
The risk of contracting an STI are high.
Condoms and lube are provided but after taking drugs, plenty of people decide they aren’t necessary.
When you’re happy and high, real-life problems seem a million miles away. You don’t really need a condom!
There’s no way this wonderful person would ever give you something as nasty as an STI!
Sadly, STI’s don’t stop being transmitted just because you’re sending positive vibes. Unwanted pregnancy can happen; sore genitals and vaginal tears from over-long sex sessions are also common.
Once you’ve had ‘enhanced’ sex, it’s hard to go back to ‘normal’ sex.
On drugs, you can kiss and touch for hours. It’s all you want to do. You want to give and received oral sex for hours.
You feel extraordinarily physically and emotionally connected. Uninhibited. Completely unselfconscious.
Sex without drugs can seem very, very boring after sex on drugs.
‘Normal sex just doesn’t cut it anymore,’ said one woman.
After a stint of chem sex partying, she and her partner started using ecstasy every time they had sex at home as well – and didn’t bother having it at all if they didn’t have any.
They broke up over it and she has been drug-free ever since.
Drugs are addictive.
Yes, another obvious point but it’s something you don’t consider in that ‘What the hell! I’ll do it just this once for a bit of fun’ moment.
The reality is it can lead to long-term problems: lots of people who experiment with chem sex, end up addicted to either the scene or a drug. Or both.
The after-effects are worse for women.
Read More
Naive nanny who was lured into going to chemsex orgy recalls how it changed her life forever
Not only are women more likely to feel ashamed afterwards, research shows women’s bodies may be worse affected by drugs than men’s.
One study found women who used ecstasy were more susceptible than men to clinical depression following the drop in serotonin levels after the drug wears off.
Other research found more women are overcome with guilt and remorse after taking MDMA and experience lowered sleep quality.
‘Suicide Tuesday’ is a nickname for the sudden drop in serotonin levels that usually comes mid-week after weekend MDMA use.
You’re masking issues, not solving them.
Body image and desire issues disappear only as long as the drug is in your system. Once it wears off, you’re still stuck with the problem.
Taking a drug doesn’t address the root cause of insecurities or vulnerabilities.
In short, experiment with chemsex parties at your own risk. An extremely large one.
Check out Tracey’s product range at lovehoney.co.uk. Her weekly podcast, SexTok with Tracey and Kelsey, is released on Wednesdays.
If you’re struggling with substance issues, visit www.talktofrank.com