The Hamptons have long been a haven for the upper crust of society, synonymous with style and class.
And whether you’re a regular fixture, or just passing through for the weekend this summer, experts say its advisable to be up to date on the latest etiquette.
Homeowners of the shoreline’s multimillion-dollar mansions are not the only people bound by the Hamptons’ unspoken rules.
‘Guests have a pivotal role to play,’ Chiara Riggs Still, an etiquette coach and owner of Etiquette Moderne, told the Daily Mail.
‘These are just timeless traditions.’
Much of Riggs Still’s advice for guests centers around minimizing impact on the host, who is expected to be busy throwing the kind of swanky soirees for which the region is known.
‘Etiquette is very simple,’ Riggs Still insists. ‘It’s not just for the 1 percent.’
From cleanliness to table manners and even what to bring for your generous host, below is Riggs Still’s guide for any Hamptons guest.
Cleanliness
Some of Riggs Stills rules could be attributed to good manners, which are even more prized in the Hamptons.
She encourages guests to pick up after themselves – including their clothes.
And even though many of the Hamptons mansions come with an army of staffers, Riggs Still says guests are still expected to make their own beds.
If you’re not sure of the rules around what’s expected, she suggests asking the host as ignorance is no excuse.
‘They’ll tell you,’ the expert said. ‘Be aware of the house rules. People are really attuned to rudeness.’
Gifting
While many guests might be used to bringing a bottle of wine over for dinner, it is all but a requisite in the Hamptons.
Guests are expected to bring something thoughtful for the occasion. Riggs Still suggests something like a candle, for example.
TV chef and Hamptons hostess Katie Lee says she favors something helpful to give and receive.
‘Things [that] are useful, but not intended for the night of the party,’ she told Galavante.
‘I like to make them a basket of fresh vegetables and fruits, or I’ll pick up some Tate’s cookies, or maybe I’ll make some homemade granola, or bring coffee so they can enjoy the next morning.’
But if you plan on presenting your host with a bouquet, be prepared to go the extra mile.
‘If you bring someone flowers, make sure they’re already in a vase so the host doesn’t have to stop and find something to put them in,’ Lee advises.
Table manners
When it comes to mealtimes, guests should be prepared to eat whatever their host serves up, as dietary requirements won’t necessarily be catered to.
This doesn’t mean guests with a severe peanut allergy or those who are gluten-free, for example, have to sweat through every meal, Riggs Still said.
Guests can inform the host and waitstaff of major food allergies, but still don’t expect them to make it all about one person.
‘If I was vegan, I wouldn’t expect them to make it vegan for me,’ she told the Daily Mail.
The etiquette coach, who received her finishing school training in Switzerland, said table manners are important, too.
Knowing ahead of time which spoon to use and when is important, especially as some Hamptons dinner parties can involve up to 15 utensils.
Another helpful hint is knowing to place one’s silverware on their plate when they are finished, so the host, who is the first to pick up their utensils and last to put down, will know when to end the meal.
‘I do a lot of dining etiquette training,’ she said.
And don’t think the host won’t notice slip-ups.
Liz Lange, who owns Grey Gardens estate, told The Cut she expects her guests to serve themselves.
‘Help yourself. I can’t ask if you’re hungry and thirsty all the time,’ she said.
Talking points
Another tip guests need to keep in their back pocket is three newsworthy talking points to help them get through dinner, according to Riggs Still.
Although they’re there to unwind and relax, it’s still good to come prepared to contribute.
But that doesn’t mean you should bring up the latest bit of politics you’ve heard on the news, or that you should ask for personal information.
‘You don’t talk about property values; you don’t talk about Ozempic,’ a private chef told The Cut.
In fact, Riggs Still advises staying away from politics and emotional topics. Rather, opt for the latest art museum on the island, keep it specific to the Hamptons, or talk about a sporting event or summer plans.
Don’t over stay
Riggs Still’s top tip for the Hamptons and beyond, is knowing when to take your leave.
‘You know what they say: “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days”.’ she explained.
‘There’s an expiration date,’ a Georgica Pond hostess added.
At the end of the day, it’s their mansion, not yours.