I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t watch the second season of Real Housewives of Sydney. After sitting through the first, I just felt a little… meh about the whole thing.
And that’s saying something coming from someone who has binge-watched Real Housewives of New York (the gold standard), Beverly Hills, Salt Lake City, and, on the odd Sunday, Dubai, depending on how bad the hangover is.
To me, the Housewives franchise is like a warm hug on a day when I want to switch off my brain and watch something gloriously over-the-top that requires absolutely no emotional investment. Give me some fabulous frocks, overpriced brunch spots and a side of high drama and I’m a happy girl.
But for some reason, n reality TV never quite hits the mark. And that’s coming from me – a former reality TV producer.
Okay, okay, let’s be clear, MAFS is the exception. The casting gods over at Channel Nine deserve an actual Oscar. Single, horny bogans make for television gold.
But Real Housewives of Sydney just reeks of ‘try-hard’ fakery, and I’m just not buying it.
These ladies may call themselves the ‘Real Housewives of Sydney’, but DailyMail+ columnist Jana Hockings reckons she knows some far more qualified candidates from high society…
What I really want from this show is a juicy peek into the real housewives of Sydney. You know, the ones who you don’t hear about unless it’s a dazzling society wedding, a minor scandal or their husband just made the Rich List again.
You see, the reality is, with exorbitant wealth comes the need for discretion. There’s a reason you don’t hear about the true elites of high society very often. They like it that way – and that’s what makes them so bloody enigmatic… as opposed to the ‘Real Housewives’ of TV who tend to be terribly indiscreet publicity-seeking missiles.
I’ve been to some of the posh lady lunches where the real real housewives go. And trust me, the drama I overhear from the top table is far juicier than any semi-scripted reality show.
So, if I had the fantasy football pick of my dream Real Housewives of Sydney cast, these are the ladies I’d have tearing each other’s hair off.
(Disclaimer: While I am grouping these ladies together as part of my dream Real Housewives cast, I do not suggest they or their spouses have anything in common with one another or that they are equally notorious.)
Vanessa Jacobs Fennell
Did you even have a proper long lunch if you’re not (allegedly) hopping the kerb in your Range Rover on the way home?
In March, Vanessa Jacobs Fennell was arrested for allegedly crashing her luxury 4WD into a Tesla in Bellevue Hill and then reportedly refusing a breath test. She was also charged with assaulting a police officer. And it was all caught on camera!
Vanessa Jacobs Fennell was apparently once on a shortlist for a season of Real Housewives of Sydney
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I mean, that really is the alleged icing on the alleged cake, isn’t it? (Ed. that’s enough allegedlys – we get the idea.)
While I don’t wish to make light of an incident during which Vanessa seemed to be in obvious distress, it really is the sort of thing that would make for a brilliant end-of-season Real Housewives cliffhanger, wouldn’t it?
It’s not a coincidence that Vanessa was apparently once on a shortlist for RHOS. Come on, Foxtel – make it happen!
Amber McDonald
Now this is the kind of woman we want holding a diamond in the opening credits.
Amber McDonald is the estranged wife of Aussie Home Loans founder John Symond, and if that wasn’t enough pedigree, she also shares two children with Patrick Keating, the son of former PM Paul Keating.
Now, I have no reason to believe the divorce is anything but amicable… but when we’re talking about the sort of money we’re talking about, it’s compelling stuff.
Amber McDonald (left), the estranged wife of Aussie Home Loans founder John Symond (right), is the kind of woman we want holding a diamond in the opening credits
I also wouldn’t mind a cheeky masterclass on how to nab a man with that many zeros in his bank account. Actually, I know one woman who recently has…
Georgia Contos
Here’s someone who would absolutely stir the pot as a *gasp* self-made millionaire.
Georgia Contos and her husband Daniel co-founded Gen Z fashion juggernaut White Fox Boutique, landing them at No. 29 on this year’s Financial Review Young Rich List with a conservative estimate of $200million.
With wealth that’s doubling every year, she is practically printing money in matching loungewear.
Georgia Contos and her husband Daniel co-founded Gen Z fashion juggernaut White Fox Boutique, landing them at No. 29 on this year’s Financial Review Young Rich List
Her clothes have been worn by the Kardashians and sold out thanks to TikTok. She got her start selling fashion on *checks notes* eBay, the sort of DIY approach that would have old-money housewives clutching their Hermès pearls.
She refuses to do interviews (even with the Fin Review) and, honestly, that only makes me want to know more about her.
Gemma Wright
As a recovering bad-boy addict, I know the allure of a man with a sketchy past.
There’s something dangerously delicious about dating someone society gives the old side-eye. But when these relationships are placed under the harsh fluorescent lights of reality TV, the fantasy tends to unravel – just ask Luann de Lesseps.
Gemma is dating Dr William Mooney, a celebrity cosmetic surgeon whose licence was stripped after a patient died following complications. He also once got busted buying a bag of coke in Bondi… which is a very Bondi thing to do.
Dr William Mooney and his girlfriend, former Ozempic sales representative Gemma Wright, are seen in North Bondi on March 25 after he was bounced by A Current Affair
His antics have featured on A Current Affair and in court. But earlier this year he was back in business after a judge ruled he deserved a second chance despite his ‘flaws’.
We all love a comeback story… right?
And through it all, Gemma – who has not been accused of any wrongdoing – has stayed poised and polished, serving gymwear chic during ACA bounces while dodging questions like a pro. Housewives gold.
Emma Steel
Remember Emma Steel? The model and socialite made headlines after accusing her respected neurosurgeon husband Dr Tim Steel of assault, only for the charges to be thrown out by a magistrate due to her inconsistent evidence.
It was all quite dramatic.
From false claims of financial abuse to some absolutely stinging broadsides from the doctor’s solicitor who accused Emma of being ‘unhinged’… it really put the drama in courtroom drama.
Former model Emma Steel, who wrongly accused her neurosurgeon husband Dr Timothy Steel of assault, waltzed straight out of court and back into Sydney’s social scene
And after Dr Steel was awarded $11,000 in legal costs, returned to work and had his good reputation completely restored, Emma waltzed out of Downing Centre Local Court and back into Sydney’s social scene… like nothing had ever happened.
I can almost picture the reunion episode now: ‘I don’t care what anyone says – I told MY truth…!’
Deborah Symond O’Neil
Deborah Symond O’Neil is eastern suburbs royalty. Born into wealth and marrying into wealth, she is the definition of Sydney privilege.
The daughter of Aussie Home Loans founder John Symond, she married developer Ned O’Neil wearing a $200,000 custom Dior gown (flown to Paris multiple times for fittings, obviously).
Deborah Symond O’Neil is eastern suburbs royalty. Born in to wealth and marrying into wealth, she is the definition of Sydney privilege
But credit where it’s due, she also launched luxury athleisure brand Mode Sportif, proving there’s a business brain behind the blow-dry.
I’d love to see her navigating social politics… and maybe a slightly awkward brunch with former stepmum Amber McDonald? Yes, please!
Lou O’Neil (née Hay)
Lou is the cleaning-product heiress with a couture wardrobe and Instagram feed that could double as a Vogue editorial.
She married Jake O’Neil (Ned’s brother) in a wedding so outrageously luxe it needed its own season. Guests were flown in by seaplane for the three-day celebration at the Carthona mansion in Darling Point, which featured florals so extravagant they wouldn’t look out of place in the Palace of Versailles.
Cleaning-product heiress Lou Hay (left) married fellow high-society scion Jake O’Neil (right) in a wedding so outrageously luxe it needed its own season
With almost 40,000 Instagram followers (the perfect amount for someone high-profile but wants to fly under the celebrity radar) and a life that screams ‘first class’, I am dying to see what goes on behind those curated posts.
Also, how’s that sister-in-law dynamic with Deborah going?
Stephanie Jandegian
Stephanie is the perfect Housewives hybrid: part media maven, part mystery.
A former A Current Affair bureau chief, she found herself in the headlines recently after the $27million Bellevue Hill mansion she shares with entrepreneur husband Garrett was raided by NSW Police as part of an investigation into unexplained wealth.
Now I emphasise here the Jandegians were not arrested or charged and there is no suggestion either has committed a crime. Fancy houses do get raided from time to time by overzealous task forces without it amounting to anything.
But that hasn’t stopped Sydney’s elite from gossiping like their lives depended on it.
Stephanie and Garrett Jandegian were seen shopping in Sydney’s Haymarket on April 25, after it emerged their $27million Bellevue Hill mansion had been raided two months earlier
With a $15.1million Federation house, a $4.2million apartment in the Sirius building and a seat on the Starlight Foundation board, Stephanie blends socialite sparkle with that smidgen of intrigue that any good real housewife requires.
And with a TV background you know she’d bring producer energy to the dinner table.
And so there you have it: that’s my dream Real Housewives of Sydney cast. Less reptile parks, more real-life dramas. Less forced bonding trips to the Botox clinic, more (alleged) Range Rover rage.
Make it happen, Binge!