CORONATION STREET
Poor Roy. It never stops. When he takes some homemade soup to Shona (please, nothing that Bernie has had a hand – literally – in), he’s confronted by some yobs calling him names and falls to the floor.
It’s clear he’s in pain, and not as a result of repetitive strain injury caused by his proverbial carrier bag.
Not since he discovered his girlfriend Hayley once went by the name of Harold has Roy faced so much upheaval.
First PC Plod (or DS Swain to those of you deluded enough to believe she ever deserved promotion) put him away for a crime he didn’t commit – oh, hang on, and also without any evidence that a crime had even been committed – and now he’s collapsed and being given CPR by paramedics.
How come they got to him so quickly? The only way they would have reached him in such record speed was if they’d called BBC1’s Casualty, who have more ambulances than they have patients.
Roy (pictured) ends up in hospital after falling to the floor following a confrontation with some yobs
The hospital finds him a bed in record-breaking time, too, but as he lies there wired up to the machines, there are two questions: is he going to die, and who is the mystery visitor who appears at his bedside?
When Roy tells Nina about it, she wonders if he has been hallucinating, but who does he think he has seen?
Throughout all of this high drama, one can only continue to marvel at the genius of David Neilson, whose portrayal of Roy, in every situation, is one of heartbreaking poignancy.
We’re back to the joyous Chariot Square Hotel (I so want to stay there – can you fix it please, Debbie?), where the Institute is hosting a taster session for new recruits.
Usually, the only tasters on offer are those of a sexual kind, as Leanne well knows.
Now, her spirits are lifted when she sees Amy among the attendees. Left of field as this storyline is, I’m rather loving it, and it’s a disturbing portrayal of how some organisations prey on the vulnerable.
EASTENDERS
Fairm-lies! Who’d ’ave ’em! They’re nothing but trouble, as the arrival of Stevie, Teddy and Harry shows. When Stevie shares the story of Val’s death, Billy and Teddy are left reeling.
Teddy, however, is determined the revelation should not come between him and Billy. Will they find it in their hearts to forgive Stevie? Will Teddy smooth things over with Phil and the family?
Will Teddy (pictured) smooth things over with Phil and the family?
Teddy continues to sniff around Sharon, and when Harry knocks a drink over her, Teddy turns up with a new blouse and wine. How does he track down the kind of stuff Sharon wears, let alone work out the size of the incredible shrinking woman?
She always looks as if she’s been poured into her outfits, so good luck trying to get her out of them if you ever get that far, Teddy.
There’s financial disaster looming for Reiss when he receives an £18,000 bill for Debbie’s care fees. That’s probably as much as Jenny Meier (Debbie) has been paid for lying there and saying nothing.
Small wonder she can’t help smiling. She’s probably dreading the day a script arrives saying ‘Debbie wakes up’ and she’ll have to start working for a living.
A dad in more ways than one
Although family life might be turbulent on screen, away from the EastEnders set, Perry Fenwick, who plays Billy, cannot praise his new fellow actors enough.
‘I’ve known and admired Alan Ford [Stevie] for such a long time – he’s a real East Ender and reminds me of my dad in real life. I was thrilled when they cast him. For me, there was only one actor who could play Billy’s dad. Alan is brilliant. Everybody loves him.’
EMMERDALE
Matty’s in fear after Amy gets mixed up
For a woman who has spent most of her life berating her mother for being stupid, Amy should maybe look in the mirror.
After Matty reassures her that his cellmate Les is happy with him being trans, she talks to Robbo, mistaking him for Les. Oh, dear. Robbo is transphobic, and Matty is terrified when the man approaches menacingly.
Amy (left) mistakes Robbo (right) for Les and tells him that Matty is trans, putting her husband in danger
This storyline feels so forced and little more than an attempt to leap aboard the trans bandwagon that is hurtling along at such a speed in real life.
Yes, I know Ash Palmisciano, who plays Matty, came out as transgender in 2012, but this storyline feels issue rather than drama led, and, as such, is as boring as it is unbelievable.
Are Manpreet and Charles about to reconcile when she tells him she misses him? What’s to miss, exactly? Not if you inhale a dozen laughing gas tanks will Charles ever be remotely amusing, Manpreet.
Ruby and Caleb also reconcile, but when Caleb says he wants to entice Nicky back, Ruby says they have to let him go. Oh, please, yes. As far away as possible.