The uncle of a promising young surfer who took his own life has revealed the heartbreaking message left on his nephew’s suicide note.
Logan Steinwede, 20, was known as a ‘super happy kid’ and was on the verge of going professional before he took his life on November 6.
His death was a thunderbolt for his mum Karina Foran, and her brother Justin Coulson, 48, who is a well-known psychologist specialising in parenting.
Dr Coulson, who co-hosts Channel Nine’s Parental Guidance show and has written nine books on raising children, said they were shattered by Mr Steinwede’s death.
‘Nobody in the family had any hint it was coming. We can draw a line through a whole lot of things, but as for a trigger, we just don’t know,’ he told the Sunday Mail.
Mr Steinwede left a suicide note which was ‘almost entirely expressions of love and sadness’, his uncle said, while Ms Foran, 44, said she will never recover from her son’s death.
The suicide death of a promising young surfer Logan Steinwede – who was on the verge of going professional – on November 6 shocked and devastated his family, especially as they didn’t see it coming. Mr Steinwede is pictured with his mum, Karina Foran
Dr Coulson (pictured), who hosts Channel Nine’s Parental Guidance program, said his nephew was ‘the most energetic and delightful kid I know. Kind. Fun. Laughing all the time’
The mum of six, who is also a step-mum to two with her husband, Gold Coast Titans player Kieran Foran, said she would ‘do anything to change the outcome, I would trade my life to get his back’.
Dr Coulson, who is the founder of happyfamilies.com.au, said he didn’t think his nephew had any idea of how much sadness his death would cause.
Mr Steinwede took his own life while staying at his maternal grandparents’ house on the NSW Central Coast.
In stark words written on social media two days later, Dr Coulson said: ‘My nephew died on Sunday night. He died by suicide.’
‘My mum and dad – his Nan and Pop – found him on Monday morning,’ Dr Coulson wrote.
After realising it was too late for Logan to be saved, the grandparents then faced the awful task of calling their daughter, Ms Foran, to break the devastating news.
She was in Melbourne with her husband and they had to tell her she needed to come home because her son had just died.
Dr Coulson said his nephew was ‘the most energetic and delightful kid I know. Kind. Fun. Laughing all the time.’
He said his children loved hanging out with their cousin Logan, and he did too.
‘We surfed together at Kirra last year when the surf was as good as it gets,’ he wrote. ‘Surfing was his thing… so much so that he was close to pro.’
The psychologist detailed the horrific moment when his parents found their grandson’s body.
He said it was ‘too late to help. Too late to do anything except scream “No”.
‘Too late for him to hear them as they cried his name over and over again: “Logan! Logan! Logan! Logan!” “No, no, no, no, no!!!!”
‘How do you hold the body of your grandson for the last time? That was what my parents did on Monday morning.’
He also spoke of what he called ‘the ripple effect… as each new person discovers the awful truth’.
‘Logan is dead? How? Suicide? No! Not Logan! How can that be? He was so happy. No! Please no.’
Logan Steinwede (pictured) loved surfing and was so good he was close to being a professional
In stark words on social media, Dr Coulson said ‘My nephew died on Sunday night. He died by suicide.’ Logan is pictured
Dr Coulson (pictured left) co-hosts Parental Guidance with Ally Langdon (right)
Dr Coulson said the suicide note ‘won’t bring peace or relief to anyone… Because he’s dead’.
Ms Foran remembered her son as ‘fearless and impulsive and maybe there was something that was missed – you run around a million times in your head and it’s f***** up’.
She said she had ‘an amazing bond’ with her son and that they talked about everything. ‘Logan knew how much he was loved, so his death is earth-shattering.’
The mum, who works as a gym instructor and retail assistant, said her husband has been a rock for her, asking her ‘what do you need today, babe?’ every morning.
‘But nothing can replace a part of you that’s no longer there,’ she said.
Ms Foran said if she could talk to other people with suicidal thoughts she would tell them they should ask for help and tell others how they are feeling, that there is nothing that can’t be solved with someone’s help.
‘The space he has left is so empty – all those things you think suck as a parent, they’re the things I miss I most.’
Dr Coulson said the family’s grief was never ending, but that constantly searching for reasons was not helpful – even though they have done that themselves.
He said when people wake up in the morning they can feel okay for 10 seconds or a minute, but then their brain reminds them of what happened.
‘You don’t just lose somebody once, you lose them every single day for the rest of your life – it is overwhelmingly and tragically said because it feels like it should have been completely avoidable.’
Writing last November, Dr Coulson said he wanted people to know some facts about suicide in this country – and to reach out to anyone who might be struggling.
‘There are nine suicides every single day in ,’ he wrote. ‘Seven of those nine suicides each day are men. Two of those nine are women.’
Suicide is the leading cause of death among people aged 15-24.
‘Suicide is a complex issue and rarely is there just one factor that leads to someone taking their own life,’ he wrote.
He pointed out what can be done to help, saying that strong social connections reduce the chance of suicide.
Logan Steinwede (pictured right) has been remembered as being a ‘super happy kid’
Dr Couson said his children loved hanging out with their cousin Logan (pictured) and he did too
‘Please, please, please, PLEASE be kind. Be compassionate. Be gentle. Be inclusive. Be supportive. Be less critical and judgmental and more of a cheerleader,’ Dr Coulson said.
‘Don’t be on your kid’s back (or your partner/spouse’s back). Instead, make sure you’ve got their back. Love them and make sure they know it. They have to know they matter.’
Dr Coulson also said that people should stop saying ‘I have no words’ when they are confronted with tragic news, even though using that phrase is well-intentioned.
In October, on his Happy Families Podcast, he spoke with Colin Campbell, the author of a book called Finding the Words, which he wrote after his two teenagers died in a car crash.
‘Colin makes the point that when we say “there are no words” we are, in some sense, reducing the person’s life to nothing.
‘We have to find the words, because the words we find tell the stories of those we love. And those stories help us to celebrate their life and our love for them,’ he said.
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