Joe Biden’s campaign died on the debate stage last night – and who do we have to blame?
The Bad Doctor, Jill Biden.
Democrats went into meltdown as their worst fears were realized: The Oval Office Zombie seized and wheezed with a rasping voice, incoherent mewings, mangled mumbles and full-blown malfunctions for 90 tortuous minutes.
Jill knows the bitter bedroom truth better than any. Yet here she came, decked out in hospital-scrub blue, propping up her stiff and leading him off stage, Nurse Ratched in Oscar de la Renta.
‘Four more years,’ she screeched to a chanting crowd of watch-party luvvies who’d clearly seen a different debate.
‘Joe, you did such a great job, you answered every question!’ she condescended like a nanny congratulating a toddler for leaving his diaper dry.
Joe Biden’s campaign died on the debate stage last night – and who do we have to blame? The Bad Doctor, Jill Biden .
Jill knows the bitter bedroom truth better than any. Yet here she came, decked out in hospital-scrub blue, propping up her stiff and leading him off stage, Nurse Ratched in Oscar de la Renta.
Certainly, the Presidential Puppet Mistress has some explaining to do.
Here’s what Baghdad Biden had to say in January: ‘I see Joe every day. I see him out, you know, traveling around this country. I see his vigor. I see his energy. I see his passion… His age is an asset.’
Does she still believe it? For as she charges up the defibrillator for one-last restart, the Establishment are finally packing the old horse off to the glue factory.
The New York Times headlines came like bullets:
‘JOE MUST BOW OUT OF THE RACE’
‘BIDEN CANNOT GO ON LIKE THIS’
‘PRESIDENT BIDEN, IT’S TIME TO DROP OUT’
Over on CNN and MSNBC, the morning mood was practically funereal.
Last night’s White House spin, regurgitated through grimaces by Rachel Maddow and Co, that Sleepy simply had a ‘cold’, was no longer holding water.
His performance was truly terminal, a sniffle that turned into a full-blown medical catastrophe.
Just minutes into the turd circus and Biden had choked on his word salad.
‘There’s a thousand trillionaires in America… I mean billionaires… we finally beat Medicare!’
Huh!?
A week tucked away in a hyperbaric chamber, juiced up on peptides and Powerade, and this is the best he could do?
On even the easiest of anti-Donald slam-dunks – abortion, Jan 6 – he couldn’t find the words:
‘So many women who have been… including a young woman who was just murdered and he [Trump]… he went to her funeral. The idea that she was murdered by a… by … by an immigrant coming in…. there’s a lot of young women who are being raped by their… by their in-laws, by their… by their spouses, brothers and sisters.’
Moderator mistress Dana Bash cut him off and put him out his misery with a terse but telling ‘thank you’, leaving Trump to land the killer blow.
Don’s lethal line: ‘I really don’t know what he said at the end of that sentence. I don’t think he knows what he said either.’
Desperate, demented, Joe tried to rattle his foe by accusing him of having ‘sex with a porn star, while your wife was pregnant!’
‘Joe, you did such a great job, you answered every question!’ she condescended like a nanny congratulating a toddler for leaving his diaper dry.
But while you can’t spell Melania about M.I.A., it seemed Don had borrowed some of his wife’s steely stiletto deportment.
‘I didn’t have sex with a porn star,’ he calmly retorted, leaving Biden looking like your grubby, sex-obsessed uncle.
Things turned absurd and descended into the Angry Codger Olympics as Biden pleaded that Trump was ‘just three years younger’, they both bragged about their golf handicap, and each insisted the other was the ‘worst president in history’.
On immigration and identity politics, Trump landed clean punches.
Biden’s laughable claim that Border Patrol had endorsed him in 2020 was fact-checked in real-time… by the Border Patrol union’s twitter account (!), snapping back: ‘To be clear, we never have and never will endorse Biden.’
Meanwhile, Trump’s big talk on illegals ‘stealing’ Black and Hispanic jobs snuffed out the culture-war embers Biden tried to stoke with tired hits such as ‘kids in cages’ and ‘fine people on both sides’ in Charlottesville.
Such stale, disproven drivel has long worn thin and won’t have persuaded ordinary Americans who are still worried about their grocery bills, inflation and unaffordable housing.
You know things a bad when the Vice President herself, the Babbling Tzarina, started to look rather assured in her post-debate softball sesh with Anderson Cooper.
The President had a ‘slow start’, she conceded, before lying through the cackles: ‘[He] is fighting on behalf of the American people on substance, on policy, on performance. Joe Biden is extraordinarily strong.’
Coiffed Cooper choked on his codpiece; Biden’s performance was a ‘train wreck’, he whimpered.
New York Magazine was early out the gate: ‘Biden Failed’. And by morning, there was only one story in town:
‘Democrats panic’ – The Washington Post
‘OPERATION: REPLACE BIDEN’ – The Drudge Report
‘Biden’s debate gamble went spectacularly wrong’ – LA Times
But, as the oatmeal recesses of Joe’s mushy mind spew to the surface, and America finally turns en masse to plead with him to go, will Dr. Jill Biden be sued for spousal malpractice?