Louise Thompson has revealed that she once booked a babysitter to stay overnight, because she was ‘so afraid’ of being alone in the house with her son Leo, two.
The Made In Chelsea star, 34, nearly died giving birth to her son with her fiancé Ryan Libbey in 2021 and spent five weeks in hospital suffering with ‘serious complications’.
She has since been battling post-traumatic stress disorder and post-natal anxiety, admitting during one week in January 2022 that she cried up to 20 times.
Louise has candidly spoken about her ordeal and recovery with her fans and took to her Instagram on Sunday to recall the ‘crazy’ incident.
She described how she had arranged a babysitter to come look after both her and Leo when he was around 11 months old, saying at that time she had been dissociating a lot and ‘felt pretty inadequate at looking after anyone’.
Louise Thompson has revealed that she once booked a babysitter to stay overnight, because she was ‘so afraid’ of being alone in the house with her son Leo, two (pictured together)
The Made In Chelsea star, 34, nearly died giving birth to her son with her fiancé Ryan Libbey in 2021 and spent five weeks in hospital suffering with ‘serious complications’ (pictured)
She has since been battling post-traumatic stress disorder and post-natal anxiety, admitting during one week in January 2022 that she cried up to 20 times
Reflecting on the memory, Louise admitted that she thinks her fear stemmed from her belief she ‘wouldn’t wake up in the morning’ after her near-death experience, and so she felt she had to make provisions for someone to take care of Leo.
In the lengthy post she wrote: ‘This morning in the shower I remembered something crazy. I remembered that when Leo was about 11 months old I was so afraid of being in the house alone with him that I arranged a baby sitter via a random app to come and look after us both overnight because I didn’t think I could do it on my own.
‘I don’t know what I was so scared of. But I ran her through the entire evening and morning routine so that she could look after us both like babies.
‘I used to regularly have to prepare everything the night before when I felt ok (ish), in case I was totally incapable in the morning. Food, clothes, milk, etc. I never knew when the PTSD was going to hit me, but I could predict it would be worse in the morning.
‘Looking back I think I was worried that I might not make it through the night. In my mind there was a chance I wouldn’t wake up in the morning. Then Leo would need to be fed and changed etc.
‘I also hadn’t been alone before. It took everyone a REALLY long time to feel comfortable enough to leave me unattended in the house. So this was a big step.
‘I clearly wasn’t ready. I was still spending a lot of my time in a dissociated state and I felt pretty inadequate at looking after anyone, even myself. I could barely concentrate enough to hold a normal conversation.’
Louise went on to say said she hadn’t told anyone about the incident, including her fiancé Ryan, and reflected on the young babysitter.
Louise has candidly spoken about her ordeal and recovery with her fans and took to her Instagram on Sunday to recall the ‘crazy’ incident
She described how she had arranged a babysitter to come look after both her and Leo when he was around 11 months old, saying at that time she had been dissociating a lot and ‘felt pretty inadequate at looking after anyone’
Reflecting on the memory, Louise admitted that she thinks her fear stemmed from her belief she ‘wouldn’t wake up in the morning’ after her near-death experience, and so she felt she had to make provisions for someone to take care of Leo
She said: ‘I wonder what she thought. I didn’t even explain to her that I would be staying in the house with her the whole time too. She was only a young girl. Probably half my age. It ended up being very expensive to pay for a normal babysitter for a 14 hour period.
‘I don’t think I ever told anyone this. I don’t think Ryan even knows. I think only me and the booking app know the cost of me being alone in the house as an anxious wreck.’
In the caption of the post, Louise explained how she had come to find the shower a reflective place to make sense of her thoughts.
She revealed how she and Ryan used to write messages to each other on the bathroom window, while processing their traumas over Leo’s birth.
The reality star added that the shower used to be a difficult place for her, because she didn’t like being alone with her thoughts and ‘hated my body’.
She penned: ‘Me + my relationship with the shower. As many of you will know, I used to scribble random messages in the condensation on my bathroom window after climbing out the shower in the morning.
‘I think those messages resonated with you because thousands of you engaged with them. Some of you enjoyed reading them or maybe you enjoyed my little annotations surrounding them over on my stories (I couldn’t fit much on my actual window). They might have been a little stark, but they may have made you feel a bit more normal too.
‘This habit all started because Ryan used to write subtle, yet hopeful words on that window when we were in the trenches of our combined recovery. He used to write ‘keep going’ on the window when he couldn’t say it out loud or communicate much in person.
In the caption of the post, Louise explained how she had come to find the shower a reflective place to make sense of her thoughts
She revealed how she and Ryan used to write messages to each other on the bathroom window, while processing their traumas over Leo’s birth
‘The funny thing is, we never even address the messages. It just happened. He did it once. It surprised me. Then I did it. He did it back. And it snowballed from there. Those words spoke a thousand words, in fact they spoke VOLUMES!
‘I found them both endearing and helpful so I started sharing my hopeful anecdotes on instagram with you guys to continue to spread the love for anyone that needed it … especially on a Monday morning… plus I discovered a new way of getting things off my chest… and it served as a reminder that sometimes we DO live in a positive place.
‘The shower offers a brief moment free-from technology and is one of the rare occasions I’m totally alone with my thoughts (unless I’ve got the mini badger bashing at the glass to come in).’
She went on: ‘The truth is, unlike most parents, I used to hate this time alone. I hated the thoughts that crept in. Showers were my least favourite time of the day because I couldn’t distract myself from the fear of death.
‘I was forced to engage with my body too which I found scary. I hated my body. I hated the scars. I didn’t even recognise my moles despite them always being v recognisable.
‘When I was living through the worst points of my anxiety disorders (gad) I would research more about my condition to try to help lighten the load. I learnt that many of us find the mornings the hardest.
‘I don’t know whether it’s because of the anticipation of the day, the fear of the unknown, or whether it’s because the level of cortisol in our blood normally peaks in the early morning and declines throughout the day. I would regularly have OK moments from about 5pm onwards.
‘Offering up some light with the shade – I feel like I also had some pretty profound thoughts in the shower alongside the awful analytical thoughts. I have spend the last two years jotting lots of things down. I had many lightbulb moments, some big breakthrough moments.
She concluded the post with a photo of the word ‘safe’ that had been written in the condensation on her window, saying she had seen it as a positive sign for the time ahead
‘Even yesterday I had one where I pieced together two bits of information about my recovery totally unprompted and it made me learn something new. I realised that x feeling was definitely because of y because it was amplified when I came off z medication, therefore I don’t need to worry about it now because I know what was causing it.
‘There has been SO much going on for me medically, much of what I still can’t explain and a lot of which I haven’t even shared because I don’t have the energy, but my brain is doing its thing and gradually over time it’s learning to feel safe. Sometimes it just has these magical moments and I’m so grateful for that.’
Louise continued: ‘Anyway, the last couple of months I haven’t been able to share my shower thoughts because it’s been too warm outside, ergo there’s been no cold surface for that hot steamy air to come into contact with, leaving me without a canvas!
‘Which brings me to this new idea I had… I’ve been working on a lot of stuff internally over the past few months (bolstered by this surge of post traumatic growth energy and inspiration) and i’m no longer scared to try new things.
‘I’ve created some beautiful ‘louise’ branding bits and bobs pulling together all of my favourite colours that I already feature a lot in my life: neutrals, reds, pinks and of course the exact turquoise blue from the cover of my book. So i’m kicking off a new series called ‘shower thoughts’ with the pink and red!
‘Let me know what you think?! I’d love for you guys to share your strangest, or smartest or even ground breaking shower thoughts with me in the comments below, so we can realise that we’re not alone in our lunacy!’
She concluded the post with a photo of the word ‘safe’ that had been written in the condensation on her window, saying she had seen it as a positive sign for the time ahead.
She explained: ‘If you slide to the end slide you’ll see something I caught sight of this morning which is MAD as I always wanted to post this this morning. This message that says ‘safe’ must have been written many moons ago. Probably last Winter at some point. It was one of those hopefully moments that I needed exactly in the moment, actually this moment, more than that one.
Last month, Ryan revealed that Louise was on suicide watch after her traumatic near-death experience and opened up about the toll Louise’s struggles took on him, saying the couple had daily visits from carers for the first 10 months of Leo’s life
‘I don’t know whether I was looking for it, or whether someone was looking for me, but I had a gynae/obs appointment this morning and I needed a bit of positivity. I also had an mri last week which has left me feeling uneasy ever since!
‘I keep thinking about the worst case scenario, coupled with some unpleasant stuff coming out of my rectum (yes this can still happen even when it’s not connected to anything), so I’ve been on high alert.
‘Hopefully it will guide me to a safe spot for the rest of the bank holiday. It’s also a sure sign that the temperature is changing and we’re entering a new season. Are you excited for it? Or dreading it?’
Last month, Ryan revealed that Louise was on suicide watch after her traumatic near-death experience.
The personal trainer opened up about the toll Louise’s struggles took on him, saying the couple had daily visits from carers for the first 10 months of Leo’s life.
Speaking on his friend and former MIC co-star Joshua Patterson’s Exercising The Demons podcast, Ryan said: ‘The first 10 months of Leo’s life, and when I say it was bad, I don’t think it could have been much worse at home in terms of the environment we had to just exist in.
‘The physical stuff from three major operations is one thing but what it did to Louise’s mental state, it just completely unhinged her as a person.
‘We had daily visits from care visitors but they were also on suicide watch because she was saying things like, “I just cannot get through this and I don’t even want to.”
Ryan added that he had to assume the role of mother to Leo while Louise was unable to care for him
‘She couldn’t even really barely look at Leo, let alone hold Leo. So, for 10 months I had to ensure the house filled with medical staff of different professions.’
Ryan added that he had to assume the role of mother to Leo while Louise was unable to care for him.
He said: ‘Leo, I was fighting against biology a little bit because Leo during that time as any newborn is kind of yearning for their mummy and I had to fill that role and it’s incredibly difficult.
‘When I got to the end of that 10 months I was in such a bad state. I’d pushed myself to such an extent that I’d become unhelpful to people around me. I was so deeply unhappy and very short on energy and patience.
‘I had a lot of resentment as well and that started to trickle in. I started to feel resentment to Louise. I don’t want to say Leo, but just the version of becoming a father that I had. I’d really struggle with it.’
Louise and Ryan did not announce the arrival of their child for five weeks after serious complications during the birth.
On December 23, 2021, Louise announced the birth of her son on her Instagram page and revealed she had been discharged from hospital to recover at home.
She said: ‘5 weeks ago I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy Leo-Hunter Libbey weighing in at 7lbs. Unfortunately it wasn’t the easiest start for either of us. One ended up in NICU and the other ended up in ICU.
Louise and Ryan did not announce the arrival of their child for five weeks after serious complications during the birth
In December, two years after Leo’s birth, she reflected on the time since the traumatic series of events
Louise said that Leo recovered quickly, but she had to deal with ‘many bad things’, saying: ‘To dance with death twice brings a whole new view of the world.’
In December, two years after Leo’s birth, she reflected on the time since the traumatic series of events.
She said: ‘Here’s a reminder that a lot can change in a year. A lot can change in 6 months. Indeed a lot can change in a month but it’s hard to witness the change until you create some sizeable distance from it.
‘I’m crying writing this. I’m feeling very emotional today. I can’t lie it feels nice to purge my pain. I encourage you to try writing and crying too.
‘Sometimes it helps. But the main reason I’m writing this is because I really want you guys to know that you must keep moving forward. Don’t give up. Because there will be a time when you will want to wear a pretty party dress again. You will shine again.’