Alert – KENNEDY: What a hidden-heeled fiasco! How ironic that Ron DeSantis’s failure to stamp out Bootgate might be the final stumble for a campaign that never found its footing

Ron DeSantis’s sagging presidential campaign desperately needs a lift, but not like this.

Not since Liddle Marco Rubio and his dainty lady booties set the 2016 Republican presidential primary ablaze has the political world been so transfixed by a candidate’s footwear.

But while Rubio passed his Beatle-esque heels off as stylish, DeSantis is tripping over mushrooming conspiracy theories about aftermarket jack-ups to make him seem taller.

On Monday, a friendly podcaster desperately tried to give Ron a leg up by walking him through a social media firestorm of amateur sleuths and foot fetishists who are convinced that the stout Florida governor is furtively adding inches with secret height-boosting insoles.

‘No, no. Those are just standard, off-the-rack Lucchese boots,’ the Gov protested through gritted teeth.

Whiff! Short of stamping this one out, DeSantis’ toe-curling, humorlessness only fanned the flames of Bootgate.

Left-wing stenographers at Politico did a deep dive into the world of bespoke men’s footwear and their instep experts are near certain that Ron’s Wellingtons are more rigged up than Go-Go Gadget golashes.

How the heck did this rising GOP powerhouse and author of the Florida Miracle turn into a grasping Danny DeVito?

What a… stumble.

Of late, DeSantis has been struggling to keep his name in the headlines and his once promising candidacy has become as menacing as a three-legged kitten – it’s not going to hurt anyone and you kind of feel bad for it.

That was until DeSantis started flopping across stages wearing plus-sized clown shoes like a loser in a Sideshow Bob lookalike contest.

Now, I can’t look away every time he unpresidentially waddles up to an event resembling a toddler playing dress up in daddy’s oxfords.

DeSantis allegedly clocks in at an impressive 5’11’, which is nothing to sneeze at unless you’re an NBA center. Could we be over-compensating here a teensy bit?

Yes, every president since Ike has been six foot plus (Jimmy Carter was 5’10’ but he doesn’t count because I say so), but it’s not like DeSantis is 5’8′. Or maybe he is and he’s been lying this entire time! Maybe he’s lying about EVERYTHING! Is he really the governor of Florida?

It’s not worth masquerading in heels (isn’t that what drag shows are for?) if it makes people question what else you’re hiding.

Between being gaslit on inflation and wages by the Bidenomics charlatans and being told the border is secure by Pinocchio Mayorkas, people have enough insulting lies to sift through. They don’t need to distrust a guy who’s coming off like an insecure used-car salesman hoodwinking you through a forced laugh.

But the real question here is who on God’s green Earth is advising the once last, best hope of the GOP?

It’s easy to blame his wife who seems to be his most trusted confidante. But a ride-or-die, trustworthy spouse is an asset in any marriage.

No, this one’s on you, Napole-Ron.

If you can’t stand up to Casey when she suggests goofy boot-lifts, how in the hell are you going to stand toe-to-toe with Xi Jinping?

And if Governor Too Short is getting this much attention for his curious s*** kickers while the world tetters on the verge of WWIII, he is clearly doing something wrong.

As his gaffes start to eclipse his victories, Ron has a choice to make.

Either he comes clean and lets people know that, like every pro wrestler who has worn the same contraptions, he’s just giving the people what they want (here’s looking at you, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair).

OR he shows up barefoot with a measuring stick and proves he’s as tall as his baseball card claims – then wrestles an alligator, skins it alive and makes a pair of perfectly flat boots for a disgusted yet enthralled audience.

The tragedy here is that these gossipy stories are running away with Ron’s narrative because his erstwhile supporters are disappointed. This fiasco is indicative of a campaign that never quite found its footing.

Who in their right mind looked at Florida’s COVID track record with its open schools and businesses while blue states locked down and locked lonely kids out of sports and classrooms and said, ‘Hey Ron, let’s focus on drag queens and woke Disney plots! That’ll show ’em!!’

Ol’ Tiny D with the sticky pudding fingers has traded his impressive track record for book bans and squandered his momentum with a botched campaign rollout on Twitter and debate performances so underwhelming an Eminem impersonator in an Elvis weave has stolen his mojo.

Platform boots are not the disqualifier (they worked wonders for Gene Simmons) – but they are a painful reminder that Meatball Ron didn’t turn out to be the savior that so many hankered for Don-lite.

They wanted a man less obsessed with his critics and less toxic to a general electorate, who could rescue the republic from a declining old huckster of a president.

Instead, they’re left with a mockable shell who’s become a target for all-too-easy Trumpian nicknames and fish-in-a-barrel hit pieces that land damaging blows with absurd ease.

If Governor DeSanctis had internalized his early stumbles and turned them into strengths as his intelligence and past success had suggested he could, then he’d be using those floppy boots to kick his opponents’ behinds.

Too bad he’s become a parody of himself preening around on his tippy toes trying to catch a glimpse of the last light of his once great potential.