Tim Walz is everything Kamala Harris needs him to be; steady Midwesterner, brave veteran, working-class hero, bumbling aw-shucks dad — and, oh yes, a compulsive liar!
I’ve ventured into the belly of the beast this week to witness the Kult of Kamala at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago — and after Gee-Whiz Walz’s coming out party on Wednesday night, it was as obvious as Oprah’s Ozempic habit why Mamala picked him.
Whether Coach Walz is spinning a yarn about using ‘weapons of war’ during his pretend time in combat, or concocting a tale about his long-suffering wife Gwen’s ‘IVF’ treatment that didn’t actually happen, this dude is willing to spend credibility for the cause.
‘IVF and fertility treatments [are] personal for Gwen and I,’ he told the crowd.
Personal, indeed. Back in March, Walz came under fire after his team sent out a fundraising email titled ‘our IVF journey’.
Gwen later issued a clarification. She hadn’t undergone in vitro fertilization, but a much less invasive procedure known as intrauterine insemination, which is often used before IVF and doesn’t face the same level of controversy (as it doesn’t involve unborn embryos).
Of course, Walz well knows that Harris’s biggest weapon of Trump mass destruction is reproductive rights. But I guess facts don’t much matter, right Timmy?
The New York delegation were the first to tire of his beta blathering. Five minutes before Governor Two Face wrapped up, the Empire clan had already headed for the exits.
New Yorkers tend to be good at spotting conmen.
No Baby Love
If there’s one thing Democrats want to make clear this convention, it’s that they love, love, love not having babies.
Courtesy of Planned Parenthood, a mobile vasectomy and abortion-pill clinic was parked around the corner from Chicago’s United Center. (It immediately had a waitlist.)
There’s also an 18-ft inflatable IUD named ‘Freeda Womb’. While at a ‘Hotties for Harris’ party (don’t ask), Plan-B pills were dispensed from a gumball machine stationed next to a sign that bizarrely read ‘Tim Walz got me laid’.
Sorry, do you mean Doug Emhoff?
Doug House
Speaking of Doughy Doug, America’s potential first First Gentleman/nanny-schtuper, sent Twitter into overdrive on Tuesday when he awkwardly draped his arm round his aggressively tattooed, hirsute daughter Ella’s waist.
He then proceeded to slobber over his (second) wife in a mind-numbing stem-winder.
If ‘weird’ is the overused word this presidential season, this family wears it well.
Obama beef
And how did Mamala react to that bizarre scene?
Oh, she wasn’t even there. She was 90 miles away on Tuesday night, holding a curiously timed campaign rally, while Barack and Michelle Obama sang her praises from the convention stage.
The rumor is that Harris steered clear of the convention ‘out of respect’ for Biden, who holds the Obamas responsible for driving him out of the race.
Really, it’s the least Kamala could do after leading the coup.
Kennedy coup!
Independent candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. will reportedly drop out the presidential race on Friday and endorse Donald Trump.
Ouch – that would be a kick in the pantsuit to Kamala.
Can you blame RFK Jr?
For months, Dems have been rolling out every Kennedy aunt, uncle, brother, sister and mistress (I kid) to trash Rowdy Robbie’s character.
Perhaps the blathering Harris-endorsing speech on Tuesday by RFK Jr’s cousin, Vogue’s new political correspondent Jack Schlossberg, was the final straw.
P.S. If Schlossberg is a journalist… I’m Jackie Onassis!
Plane irritating
On a crammed flight to Chicago, a chatty young woman was overheard bragging loudly that she’d been selected as a DNC delegate for Pennsylvania.
Then her boyfriend chimed in.
‘She’s not even from Pennsylvania. She lives in New York,’ he guffawed. ‘Is that even legal?’
Why was this leggy Latina in such mile-high demand? In her own words, because she’s ‘brown’.
A DEI hire! How charming.
Grab-n-go
In the convention center this week, CNN is hosting a delightful free-food café for hungry journalists to hobnob, just as they did in Milwaukee for the RNC last month.
Then, as readers may remember, I reported how CNN dame Dana Bash had thrown me extra helpings of shady side-eye as I grabbed a chopped salad and Coke Zero.
This time, my RSVP to the canteen somehow went missing.
What’s a peckish girl to do? I slipped in a side door and made off with a delicious ice cream.
Maggot mayhem
The poor schlubs from the Indiana delegation were nearly served creepy crawly protein on Wednesday when suspected pro-Palestine wingnuts sprinkled maggots in their breakfast.
Cops swarmed the Windy City’s Fairmont Hotel after panicked reports that the most important meal of the day had been tampered with.
These genocide-sympathetic idiots are always coming up with new ways to make the rest of us want to barf.
Convention creeper
There’s another creeper meandering around the United Center. None other than Mr. Convicted Perjurer himself, Michael Cohen.
He was overheard boasting to an attractive young lady about how ‘close’ he lived to Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump.
At some point, Mike, you’ll have to stop milking this.
Pro-Hamas horribles
After the festivities, I was followed home by an irate pro-Hamas activist, who took great offense when I politely (not really) asked her if she also gave a damn about Israeli hostages held in Gaza.
With her iPhone camera out front, she trailed me for blocks shouting obscenities.
Fortunately, I was only in danger of being bored to death.