There were three of them, each around five inches long and a quarter of an inch across, composed almost entirely of shell.
But if you persisted you could winkle out a sliver or two of crab meat, and if you did this with all three, you would, after a few minutes of effort, have just about accumulated enough for one small mouthful.
The price for this feast? According to the bill we were eventually presented, with this trio of crab legs had cost us €121. Plus service.
Welcome to DK Oyster in Mykonos.
The beachside restaurant had made headlines around the world earlier this month when a Canadian couple on holiday claimed they had been charged €400 for a single beer, a single Aperol spritz and a dozen oysters.
In response however the restaurant’s owner Dimitrios Kalamaras insisted that his establishment had been unfairly traduced by a freeloader who wanted to eat for gratis and position herself as an influencer.
To determine which of these accounts was closer to the truth, went undercover at the restaurant, posing as innocent holidaymakers who had wandered into the restaurant after spotting it by chance.
What we would discover was quite extraordinary.
Approaching the eatery along the tiny resort’s beachfront boardwalk, the first thing you notice is that it’s completely unremarkable.
Some particularly expensive restaurants are based in spectacular buildings – one thinks of famous UK establishments like, say, Raymond Blanc’s Le Manoir aux Quat Saisons.
DK Oyster however is of the simple seaside shack variety, however.
Then we realised that, unlike the usual practice at most Greek island tavernas, there are no menus displayed outside.
There is also no signage or other visible branding bearing the restaurant’s name.
Neither is there any ostentation within: rather than the formal waiter dress you’d perhaps expect at a top end restaurant, the man who quickly greets us as soon as we show an interest is wearing a grey polo shirt which didn’t appear to have been recently laundered.
What he lacked in sartorial elegance he made up for in solicitousness as he ushered us towards a ‘free’ sun lounger and encouraged us to order drinks.
We said we’d prefer to take one of the empty tables fringing the boardwalk – and, without being told or seeing any prices for them, ordered a couple of beers.
The only question was whether we wanted bottled or draught. Guessing that the latter would be cheaper we said ‘draught please’ – only to be taken aback when he returned with two ridiculously-sized ‘boots’, so heavy that it was an effort to hold them up with one hand. Each contained a full litre of beer – a shade over two pints of liquid.
At this point, our waiter disappeared and quickly returned with the menus we had requested.
Immediately they were in our hands he began to pester us to order. He’d asked three times what we wanted before we felt compelled to formally ask for five minutes to consider.
Meanwhile the novelty serving vessels were not proving an unqualified success: as we got into the second half of the glass, not only was the beer becoming warm but, the liquid began to gurgle and slurp rather disturbingly when placed back on the table, because of the odd-shaped glass in a grotesque harmony with the waves gently lapping onto the beach a few dozen yards away.
The menu initially looked like that of any standard touristy Greek restaurant: rather than the sort of stylish monochrome look and carefully constructed phrasing of the typical Michelin starred establishment’s carte – this looked haphazardly made.
It was a simple laminated plastic sheet and although it was written in English it appeared to have been composed by someone for whom this was a second language, with odd phrasings and spellings like ‘papardeles with cake of salmon’ or ‘goat cheese breaded’
Neither did it sound haute cuisine with sides described, for example, as ‘grilled veggies’ or ‘boiled veggies’.
But it was when you looked at the prices that you really were taken aback.
Those ‘boiled veggies’ were €19.80.
A Greek salad – the national dish available everywhere and usually for six or seven Euros, was priced at €28.50. A Caesar salad was €34.80.
Yet we were still at the cheapest end of the DK Oyster’s offerings.
It was when you went for meat or fish that the prices went stratospheric. Add ‘jumpo shrimp’ to that salad and its price leapt to €87.50.
But the prices went higher still, even for cheaper cuts.
It is possible to buy a generous plate of lamb ribs in a Turkish or Greek restaurant in London – for £15. At the DK Oyster however a kilo of these would cost you €285.00.
But we were still not at the expensive stuff: the ribeye steak – described as wagyu but with no other notes on its sourcing of provenance, was €850 a kilo. As a price comparison, the ribeye steak at high end UK steak restaurant Hawksmoor is priced at, allowing for conversion from sterling, €130 a kilo – in other words it is some six and a half times cheaper.
Add a garnish to your steak of ‘edible gold leaves and black Beluga caviar’ and you’d be looking at €1850 a kilo – potentially more for a single dish than a fully catered week’s holiday including flights might cost you nearby.
The seafood was scarcely less eye watering: lobster was €295 a kilo, king crab’s legs – nb legs, the scrawniest part of the crab, and not the much more highly prized claws – an incredible €385.00
It is perhaps slightly misleading to talk about kilos, however. Because in small print, in very small print, in print almost too small to read, at the bottom of the menu is a caveat saying. ‘All prices sell per 100gr, minimum order is 480gr per plate’.
So no portion of meat or fish is going to cost any less than almost five times the figure you see on the menu. A portion of that ribeye for example would by this formula cost you a minimum €408
After perusing the menu – and being by the sea – we decided to lean towards the fish, and ordered the smallest portion they could muster of crabs legs and grilled jumbo shrimps.
The crabs legs were advertised at €38.50 per 100 grams. But the minimum order is 480 grams so the total bill should have been €184.80, so we got off lightly.
The shrimp was scarcely less astonishing. I use the term shrimp advisedly: there was only one. And, like the crab, it appeared to have been cooked too long so that what there was of it was rubbery.
When we asked the waiter if this was all we were getting, he gave us a broad grin and pointed to Marc’s tiny jug of garlic butter and my ‘salad’ – literally a few chopped lettuce leaves with no dressing and nothing else.
Our menus had been hastily removed as soon as we’d ordered so it was only later that we realised that we should have also been given a lentil salad to accompany each dish. But these had never come.
The layout of the DK Oyster is eccentric. It’s shares the same building as a tawdry gift shop which appears to be owned by the same people. To visit the loo, customers must make their way past the rows of – naturally expensive – ladies’ beachwear next-door.
Then came the moment of truth – the bill.
Our miniscule and unhappy seafood dishes and garnish but no lentil salad, accompanied by what we now learned were described as two ‘Wellingtons’ of beer, and a bottle of mineral water, had come in at €267 Euros.
But I was to learn that it could have been worse, much worse.
As I made my way to the till to pay, I asked the man operating the cash desk why it was so expensive. He said something about it being ‘on the menu’, and when I asked again, but why, he simply thrust the card reader towards me with its greedy message of ‘Sale: 266.99 Euros’ on its display.
At exactly that moment, my attention was drawn to the lyrics of the music blaring out from the restaurant’s speakers: 2 Unlimited’s 90s dance hit: ‘No no… there’s no limit’.
It seemed apposite.
Coming back to the absence of any signage – a possible explanation could be the astonishing list of allegations online about the pricing and other shortcomings which come up when you Google the restaurant’s name.
This includes a report from a previous visit by journalists who discovered that ethnic Greek customers were apparently being charged a fraction of the prices paid by British and other nationality tourists were asked to pay.
Recently, even TripAdvisor has apparently noticed the number of 1-star reviews which DK Oyster has attracted. And, unusually, they have accordingly issued their own ‘warning’ to site users, saying: ‘Tripadvisor has been made aware of recent media reports or events concerning this property which may not be reflected in reviews found on this listing.
‘Accordingly, you may wish to perform additional research for information about this property when making your travel plans.’
Strangely, while the majority of recent reviews carry the (minimum) one-star rating, a sizeable number of other visitors, most of them posting their first review, are keen to express their enthusiasm for the place. One woman visitor from Athens described it as ‘The most ideal choice in Mykonos’ and no doubt her five-star review helped keep the restaurant’s rating slightly above rock-bottom.
Most have not been so kind, however.
One recent visitor complained on the site: ‘Total scam! Had two soft drinks advertised at €14 each …instead of €28 it was €152! I asked why and was told very rudely the cokes were €76 each! I pointed out it showed €14 each, the vile man replied: ‘not today!’
‘We put thirty Euro on the bar and left, he grabbed hold of my friend’s arm and I was forced to defend her which I did and made it clear that if he lays another finger on her or me he’ll be arrested. We walked out with him shouting which we couldn’t understand.’
Another couple warned: ‘AVOID! €120 for 2 drinks! Absolute tourist trap. We were told that if we purchased a drink we could use sun loungers for free. Without looking at the menu I ordered a strawberry daiquiri and my partner ordered a beer. We ended up with the LARGEST beer on the menu and the LARGEST cocktail on the menu. Little did we know this was going to cost us €120.
‘It’s very sneaky how the staff get you in the bar and absolutely sting you!!’
Briton Mark J posted: ‘Should be closed down. Dick Turpin crooks. Give this place a miss as no one likes to be ripped off.’
Since the new rash of online opprobrium on TripAdvisor, the owners of the restaurant have removed all obvious signage from the front of DK Oyster.
But it’s not all bad news – the owner of DK Oyster is, to judge from his social media accounts, doing very well indeed.
Dimitrios Kalamaras, in his 40s, whose initials the business bears, studied at Les Roches International School of Hotel Management in Valais, Switzerland, according to his LinkedIn page.
His Instagram account is peppered with the hashtags #luxury, and #luxurylifestyle and that seems to be the main message Mr Kalamaras is pushing to his followers.
Many posts feature glamorous models in bikinis eating and drinking at the restaurant, or photos of Mr Kalamaras with guests, including former Liverpool FC player Marko Grujic, now playing for Porto.
Two years ago, following damaging publicity in the US media when two American tourists were charged €600 for two drinks and a portion of crab legs, the Greek government came down hard on the restaurant.
The minister of tourism, Vassillis Kikilias instructed the Cyclades Regional Tourism Agency to investigate and they duly found several tax violations in the company’s books, leading to a guilty plea and a fine of €31,000.
Yet when the American tourist in question took the restaurant to civil court, DK Oyster issued a statement denouncing the ‘defamation that led to moral and financial damage’ and claimed that the incident was also detrimental to the island’s tourism.
‘It all started with the complaint against our business by an American tourist who, after having lunch at our restaurant and especially on our beach using a free sunbed and umbrella, paid the bill for her meal as usual, even giving a tip to the staff of the business without to express the slightest complaint and the slightest displeasure.
‘In retrospect and after she left our restaurant, we were stunned by her complaint, which is unfounded and we cannot know what and how she was motivated, however she was definitely motivated by opaque, unfair and obviously hidden competitive interests.’
A neighbouring restaurateur told that DK Oyster was ‘souring the tourist trade for everyone else.’
He added: ‘People know that Mykonos is an expensive place, but you need to be honest with people and tell them what they are likely to be charged – there’s no need to give them a nasty surprise when the bill arrives’.
A DK Oyster spokesman told : ‘When you arrived, our waiter welcomed you and let you pick your table. He handed you the menus and allowed you to take your time deciding on your special dinner.
‘When the waiter came back to take your order, he clarified that the crab legs and shrimp are served per kilo. You placed your order for crab legs and shrimp. Our team weighed your plates, and came back to you, before giving you the food, in order to check with you if you were willing to have these plates, at those weights and prices.
‘He informed you about the price before serving you the dinner. You agreed and said that there was no problem.’
The spokesman conceded that neither lentil salad was provided, pointing out that the waiter offered free coffees in recompense.
But the statement failed to acknowledge that the free coffee offer only came some 15 minutes after we had left the restaurant as we happened to pass it again as we returned to our car.
The spokesman added: ‘Regarding the comment about “tricking” people, you have witnessed yourselves that our restaurant is lively, filled with customers who enjoy themselves and their day at the beach, listening to music, dancing, and enjoying their dinner or drinks on our sunbeds.
‘Some people on our island may have unkind intentions to spoil the experience we provide to our guests by spreading and insisting on these unreal and inaccurate accusations. ‘
He denied that signage had been removed and said the restaurant had been redecorated at the start of the year.
Addressing the quality of the food on offer he added: ‘Rest assured, we diligently source the finest and freshest ingredients daily for our chefs.
‘We would like to understand more about your opinion regarding the food, as on the day of your visit, you did not give us the impression that you did not enjoy the crab legs and shrimp.
He also offered to refund the cost of the beers as a gesture of goodwill – which is not something any TripAdvisor customers have been offered, according to their reviews.’
Without apparent irony, the statement concluded:
‘We hope that the drinks, sea view and atmosphere met your expectations as our guests, and we would be very happy to see you again in the future.’