Dear Jana,
My boyfriend’s father keeps sending me messages that are verging on creepy. We started a family group chat last year with my partner’s family and their significant others to work out Christmas plans and since then his Dad has had my number and will send me private late night messages when he knows my partner is away on business.
They always start off innocent asking if I’m ok and do I need anything while he is away, and then he’ll say things like ‘a pretty girl shouldn’t be left home alone by herself’ and ‘If you need some strong male company I’m available’.
It’s putting me in a really awkward situation. I don’t want to cause trouble between my partner and his Dad but I also want his Dad to stop crossing the line. How do I navigate this?
Anonymous.
Dear Anonymous,
Sadly, creeps come in all sorts of forms. Bosses, colleagues, great uncles, that weird dude looking at you from across the bar. Sadly, you’ve found yourself a tricky one. He’s clearly not one you can tell to F-Off in no uncertain terms. So, let’s get crafty!
Every time he texts I would reply in a way that continues to mention your partner. For example, if he says, ‘If you need some strong male company’ say ‘thanks I’ve managed to find more than enough in your son’.
Or you could push the envelope a little further and ‘innocently’ say things in front of the whole family that imply he’s been texting you separately. Like, ‘Sorry I didn’t respond to your text *John, I was fast asleep’. Hopefully it will embarrass him enough to stop his sneaky texts.
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The key to this is setting a very clear boundary. For some reason, many men mistake friendliness for flirting, so be polite yet firm with your responses.
If all else fails, bugger it, show your partner. If he’s a good man, he will sort it out for you.
Dear Jana,
Last year I was watching a crime documentary and there was one man on the program who was doing time for a something silly he did when he was a young adult.
I was mesmerised by his kind blue eyes and his story upset me – seeing the injustice he received for something stupid he did when still trying to find his place in the world. We’ve all done dumb things when we were young… he just got caught.
I decided to send a letter to him at the jail and connect. Since then we have been in weekly contact with calls and letters and I’m developing real feelings for him. I think he is to.
My family and friends would be horrified to discover my possible future boyfriend is an inmate but I know he has a good heart.
Should I give this relationship a chance and suffer the judgmental consequences, or do you think I risk getting my heart broken and leaving my reputation in tatters?
Anita.
Dear Anita,
As a former jail-bird lover myself, I can understand the attraction. My bloke was in and out of jail twice while we were dating, and it was all very exciting and scandalous… until it wasn’t.
You see, it’s a right of passage to go through a ‘bad boy’ phase. Some of us just take it a little too far. Even if the guy does have a good heart, and has transformed his ways, you’ve got to look at the bigger picture.
This man is all ga-ga over you because he’s literally locked up in a facility with no other women in sight. How exciting for him to receive regular correspondence from a female who is clearly a little thirsty for him (there’s no denying it you cheeky devil).
As a former jail-bird lover myself, I can understand the attraction. My bloke was in and out of jail twice while we were dating, and it was all very exciting and scandalous… until it wasn’t, writes Jana Hocking (above)
I feel like you are putting all your eggs in one basket with a guy who could find himself out of the prison gates and into a larger pool of women to flutter his pretty blue eyes at. So, for now, I would keep him as a cheeky pen pal and save the bigger discussions for when he returns to the real world.
You’ve also got to ask yourself, are you just a little bored and horny for a hot inmate? I get it. I’ve watched those crime docs and felt a little randy. But perhaps some of your interest in an incarcerated man is knowing he’s not out and about sowing his seed? Put him on the backburner and date around. You’ve got plenty of time to figure out those bigger questions once his out of those prison gates.
Dear Jana,
My partner always gropes me in public and it’s outside my comfort zone. I’m an affectionate person who loves holding hands and sharing a kiss but lately he’s been going a little further.
He’ll let his hands wonder between my legs if we’re sitting at a table or in a theatre, and he’ll grab my ass when I go in for a kiss. I feel awkward for the people around us and don’t enjoy it. How do I tell him to stop without sounding like a prude?
Fatima.
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Oh Fatima, we love a man who shares a mutual love language – and physical touch is the best of them all! But this horny devil needs to calm the heck down.
You are not a prude at ALL for feeling a little uncomfortable when he gropes you so outlandishly in public. Just last week I was stuck on a plane with a couple who were snogging and moaning for an entire one-hour plane ride. It was GROSS and gave most of us around them a serious case of the icks. So I think it’s just good manners to keep it PG while in public.
I would just playfully slap his hand away each time he went for a fondle and say something sexy like ‘wait till we get home and then you can go wild.’ That way you’re not hurting his fragile male ego, and you’re putting some saucy thoughts in his head for later. Win, win.
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