Alert – Inside the mind of cruel control freak-killer Paul Thijssen who savagely murdered Lilie James – why he was ‘bad not mad’ and the chilling red flags every woman look out for

Paul Thijssen was a control freak who showed ‘next level cruelty’ when he brutally murdered private school water polo coach Lilie James, a leading criminal psychologist believes.

Tim Watson-Munro said the bloody killing inside the gym bathroom at exclusive St Andrew’s Cathedral School in Sydney’s CBD last week was typical of ‘fragile ego’ men who become enraged by rejection and the end of a relationship.

He believes Thijssen, 24, snapped when Ms James, 21, jilted him after just five weeks and their brief affair was ended only days after he had boasted about it to students.

Thijssen then pre-planned her murder, arming himself with a hammer and arranging to meet for a final showdown at the school on Wednesday evening.

‘He knew exactly what he was doing,’ the renowned crime expert told . ‘These kind of guys are bad, they’re not mad.

‘This doesn’t appear to have been a spontaneous act of violence. There’s clear intention – if you take a weapon to a meeting, you may use it.’  

After Thijssen, 24, killed Ms James, 21, he then used her own phone to text her father, posing as the young woman asking for her dad to collect her from the school. 

‘That’s next level cruelty,’ said Mr Watson-Munro, who has been an expert witness in criminal cases, including Melbourne gangster Alphonse Gangitano, to establish if the accused was legally insane.

‘That’s the ultimate control and humiliation of her and her family, and traumatisation of her family.

‘This guy just sounds like a complete psychopath to me.

‘It’s not just killing her, but then cogitating and ruminating about what you’ve done, and how you can then inflict additional damage on the family.

‘Who knows what the dynamic was between this poor woman, her family and this guy, but it’s very personal when you start doing that sort of thing.’

Thijssen then fled the school and drove to the clifftops in Vaucluse in Sydney’s east where he alerted police and ditched the murder weapon in a nearby bin.

He then jumped or fell to his death from a cliff at Diamond Bay Reserve and his battered and bloated body was finally recovered on rocks below on Friday morning.

Mr Watson-Munro believes the delay between alerting police to the murder and his own death was another indication of Thijssen taunting authority.

‘It’s this sort of “catch me if you can” narcissism,’ he said. ‘He wants to have the final say on this, even beyond the grave in many ways, and leaving clues.

‘It’s not that uncommon – I’ve looked at a number of these cases.’

He said women are being killed by their former partners at an ever-increasing rate, with 56 women allegedly murdered by men around the country already this year.

‘It used to be around one a week, but we’re already far past that and it’s only just November,’ he said.

‘People say, “Well, these guys are crazy.” They’re not. They know what they’re doing. And it’s often very violent and brutal.

‘You look at the murder of Hannah Clarke who was the woman who was set alight in her car with the children [in Brisbane in 2020]. Same deal. 

‘[Her estranged husband Rowan Baxter] knew what he was doing. He arrived with a gurney full of petrol.

‘We need to do a lot more about this. It’s happening with frightening regularity.’

While there is little police can do to prevent such acts, Mr Watson-Munro said women can be forewarned by red flags in their partner’s behaviour. 

‘Generally the most dangerous time for women in terms of potential homicide is when they decide to leave,’ he said.

‘But prior to that, there’s been all this sort of behaviour occurring in escalating degrees of intensity. 

‘They start out by love bombing the woman, they flatter them, they shower them with gifts and chocolates and so on. 

‘But progressively they start to take away their external support mechanisms – family, communication with others, and so they start to lose confidence in themselves. 

‘It’s almost a very subtle form of brainwashing that occurs.’

He said the behaviour then transforms into ‘toxic, coercive control and narcissism’ as the relationship crashes, and the women are left increasingly isolated from others.

‘They can’t go and see family or friends and there’ll be hell to pay if you do,’ he explained. ‘There will also be financial control, limiting their access to money.

‘And in some cases, they even control what they watch on television and listen to on the radio and read. 

‘It’s not as though the relationship stops overnight – but there are red flags leading up to it.’

He said the rising frequency of such domestic murders could be caused by a range of factors, including men feeling powerless both in relationships and in being able to overcome financial pressures.

‘People are getting desensitised to it,’ he said. ‘It’s almost become “Ah well, another woman – who’s next” kind of thing.

‘A number of factors are causing it. People in general terms are very stressed – there’s a lot going on in the world. 

‘In , people are financially stressed. People are losing jobs – that impacts upon their sense of self. 

‘And for men, if they’re the primary breadwinner, it affects them quite a bit. So in a really perverse way, they’re trying to raise their masculinity and dominance. 

‘It’s a complex mix of factors that is causing this great despair – but you’ve got to be a pretty fragile bloke if you can’t cope with rejection.’

Despite the horrific murder of Ms James, some of Thijssen’s former students have objected to how he has been regarded afterwards.

Thijssen was branded a flirt and a creep in the wake of the tragedy, but now other ex-students have come forward to support him. 

‘Paul was a caring, enthusiastic coach with a humorous and friendly character,’ insisted one former St Andrew’s pupil who was coached by Thijssen.

‘Describing him as a “creep” and a “flirt” as well as being allegedly “disliked” by many male students is a disgusting portrayal of Paul’s character.

‘I was a student of St Andrew’s and would describe myself as being close to Paul. He was my hockey coach and as much of a friend as a teacher could be. 

‘Paul was always professional. It was evident how much he cared for the school and its students.’

She added: ‘Nothing can make sense of the horror that occurred on Wednesday evening and by no means am I trying to validate his actions. 

‘What he did was disgusting and unforgivable and my heart goes out to the James family. 

‘I just ask of you not to completely degrade Paul’s character.’

Another current student also claimed the brutal murder was completely out of character for the dedicated hockey coach she had known.

She said characterising him as a weirdo flirt or creep was ‘incredibly distasteful and totally ignorant to the nature of Paul’s relationship with the school and students.’

But she said the tragedy had come as a ‘total betrayal’ to the school community.

‘Nothing about his behaviour could have pointed toward such a horrific outcome,’ she told .

‘He was, for the most part, a well liked, kind and levelled individual, who had close relationships with the school, students and alumni.’

Thijssen’s high-flying corporate parents, Esther and Stef Thijssen, have decided they will not repatriate their only child’s body to the Netherlands and will instead have him cremated before scattering his ashes in Sydney, 7 News reported.

The family first arrived in in 2015 when his father moved to Sydney for work, with Thijssen attending St Andrew’s for two years before graduating in 2017.

He reportedly stayed on to carry on a ‘Year 13’ paid-role at the school, helping out in the school’s sports department, before returning with his parents to the Netherlands.

However, he later returned to to rejoin St Andrew’s sports department and moved in with a friend at a home in Kensington in Sydney’s east.

He also joined the UNSW SL3 ‘Whalies’ men’s hockey team in 2020 where he was a regular first-team player, and was featured in promotions for the team’s games.

The fatally-doomed romance with Ms James is believed to have started six weeks ago, just after his hockey team lost their Sydney league grand final on September 9.