Alert – JANA HOCKING: Are YOU brave enough to try the dirtiest taboo in marriage? It’s saved thousands of relationships

You wouldn’t think that New York’s premier divorce attorney could also be in the running for America’s top marriage counselor.

But James Sexton has seen it all: the good, the bad and the unmitigated (she took the house, the kids and the dog) disasters.

This fast-talking, tattooed ambassador of every broken union first became famous last year after flatly declaring in a video on Facebook that ’56 percent of marriages end in divorce’ and an additional ’20 percent’ of couples live in wedded agony.

That’s a 76 percent failure rate – and it makes you wonder whether it’s worth it to tie the knot.

Was this guy trying to get himself out of business… or was he on to something?

Now Sexton is back with another hot take and, brace yourself, it involves one of the dirtiest words in the English language for anyone with a wedding on the horizon: prenup.

The mere mention of a pre-nuptial agreement can make even the most rational romantic clutch their pearls but, according to Sexton, it’s the single best indicator of a successful marriage.

‘I’ve done probably hundreds, if not thousands, of prenups over 25 years,’ he said. ‘I think there may be five people that I did their divorce after they had a prenup.’

My misconceptions about prenups were challenged by a premier divorce attorney who has no doubt seen it all: the good, the bad and the unmitigated disasters. (Pictured: Jana Hocking).

‘I’ve done probably hundreds, if not thousands, of prenups over 25 years,’ Sexton said. ‘I think there may be five people that I did their divorce after they had a prenup.’

The mere mention of a pre-nuptial agreement can make even the most rational romantic clutch their pearls but, according to Sexton, it’s the single best indicator of a successful marriage.

Five. Out of thousands. That’s a better success rate than most rom coms.

But aren’t prenups just planning for divorce?

‘Absolutely not,’ he told me.

Unlike divorce proceedings (which are universally grim), prenups, he says, are surprisingly feel-good. ‘It’s usually a very friendly transaction. People feel good about it.’

‘A prenup is fundamentally about creating a safety net of emotional and financial transparency,’ he said. ‘It’s a profound statement of love that says, I want to protect you, even from potential future versions of myself.’

Let’s just pause on that for a moment.

‘When you create a prenup,’ he continued, ‘you’re telling your partner, I care about your emotional and financial well-being so much that I want to ensure you’re protected, even if our relationship changes. It’s not about expecting failure, it’s about showing a deep level of care and commitment.’

Where was this man during my last situationship?

But I had to ask: what was the wildest prenup clause he’s ever seen?

Oh, buckle up.

‘There was one where the bride had to stay within a certain weight range,’ he said. ‘There was a baseline pre-wedding weight, and a post-divorce clause to measure any deviation.’

Yep, the groom wanted a slim wife and made sure he put actions in place to make sure she didn’t ‘blow-out.’ Sigh.

I mean, what was she supposed to do? Carb-load before the wedding so the scales worked in her favor? Strip down like a UFC fighter before court? I bet the sucker of a husband didn’t see Ozempic coming!

Then there are the infidelity clauses. And wow, can people get creative. We’re talking detailed definitions of what counts as ‘cheating,’ how it must be proven and what the financial consequences are.

‘One woman was entitled to a $1.5 million house if her husband cheated,’ Sexton said. ‘I swear, you could practically see her rooting for him to slip up.’

Sexton argued that prenups are actually, contrary to popular belief, a marriage saver.

‘It’s a profound statement of love that says, I want to protect you, even from potential future versions of myself,’ Sexton said of prenups.

Then there was the yoga-class instructor who married a Goldman Sachs type. She brought zero dollars to the relationship, but girlfriend knew her worth. This smart cookie made the prenup work in her favor.

Ladies take note, her prenup included: a $250,000 signing bonus, lavish babymoons ‘no less than $100k per trip’ every time she got pregnant, strict gifting rules for her family and a wardrobe budget that would make Carrie Bradshaw blush.

‘She handed me this list, and the guy just accepted it. Like they were standard clauses,’ Sexton said with a laugh. ‘I wanted to say, this isn’t an Uber Eats menu!’

Oh, and let’s not forget the ‘sexual minimums.’ Yes, as in, how many blowjobs per month is considered healthy.

‘You can’t legally enforce sex,’ Sexton said, ‘but you can tie financial incentives to effort.’

From square footage requirements for future homes to how often the in-laws get gifts, he’s seen it all. And while some of it is wildly unhinged, it often points to something deeper.

‘You read these clauses,’ he said, ‘and you can tell someone in this relationship is terrified to say no.’

Then he hit me with my favorite gem of the whole chat: ‘Prenups are like couples therapy in disguise.’

‘They force couples to have brutally honest conversations about expectations, values and what they truly owe each other. It’s an opportunity to ask: Why did you choose me? What makes our relationship unique? You’re not just talking money, you’re unpacking the emotional and economic ecosystem of your relationship.’

Suddenly, a prenup didn’t sound like a cold legal document. It sounded like a love language.

According to Sexton, the best prenups follow a ‘Yours, Mine and Ours’ structure: your individual assets stay yours, shared assets are split 50/50 and the entire process encourages ongoing dialogue. ‘It’s not about control — it’s about respect and autonomy. Every financial decision becomes a chance to communicate, negotiate and stay aligned.’

Sure, it might not sound sexy. But you know what is? Emotional maturity.

Still, I had to ask: what if the conversation itself just feels… icky? I mean, we’ve all seen the drama that comes from asking for one, so how do you do it in a way that doesn’t seem callous?

‘If you can’t have challenging discussions with your partner, you probably shouldn’t get married,’ he shrugged. Ouch. But also, fair.

‘A prenup is a litmus test. Can you be honest? Can you express concerns without fear or judgment? Can you disagree and still feel safe?’ he said. ‘These conversations show whether your relationship has real emotional depth or if it’s just built on vibes and filtered selfies.’

And then, with the poise of someone who’s clearly spent a few hours in therapy: ‘A prenup isn’t just about protection it’s about radical intimacy. It’s about being emotionally and financially naked with someone. Saying: these are my fears, my values, my boundaries – and I trust you enough to share them.’

Annoyingly, he’s not wrong. In a world where the state dictates your marriage terms, a prenup lets you write your own love contract.

So next time someone tells you a prenup is unromantic, pour them a glass of wine and say: ‘Actually, it’s the most adult love letter you can write.’

Who knew legal paperwork could be so sexy?