While the discovery of a mass grave containing 303 bodies including children and babies in Oldham is shocking, it was sadly part of common practice until the 1990s.
Stillborn babies were often taken from their parents before they had even held or looked at them, and then buried in unmarked mass graves at cemeteries.
Various mass graves for stillborn babies have been found across the UK over the past 20 years in the Wirral, Huddersfield, Lancashire, Devon and Middlesbrough.
Among those helping bereaved families is Paula Jackson, a woman from Guildford who has now identified the final resting places of nearly 3,500 stillborn babies.
She set up the charity ‘Brief Lives – Remembered’ in 2004 after helping a friend in find the grave of his twin sister who was stillborn in Aldershot in 1960.
Her tireless work led to a group of MPs recognising the trauma suffered by mothers – and in 2020 it was agreed they should be told where their babies’ remains are.
Nigel Farage has revealed he found it difficult to speak to his niece after her baby was stillborn, because he was worried he would say ‘something that was wrong’.
The Reform UK leader said on Wednesday that the subject is often a ‘taboo’ for many families and communities, adding it is ‘something that is very, very difficult to talk about’.
During a Westminster Hall debate, Mr Farage said he had ‘never discussed’ baby loss with his niece, despite being close to her, because he felt ‘too awkward’.
Following this, Labour MP Sharon Hodgson said ‘no-one knows what to say to you when you’ve lost a baby’, adding that she believes she made those around her ‘feel very uncomfortable’ after the ‘traumatic’ stillbirth of her daughter Lucy.
And DUP MP Jim Shannon broke down during the session as he recounted the story of a constituent in her 80s had asked him to help find the grave of her son who was stillborn 50 years earlier.
Among the women she has helped is Yvonne Maher, of Plumstead, South London, who previously told the Daily Mail that she was ‘beside myself’ when Ms Jackson told her she had found her son 40 years after he was stillborn, and had always ‘felt like I slung him away’.
Ms Maher added: ‘I wish I could turn back the clock. If it were now you’d have to fight me to take him away, I wouldn’t let you have him.’
Until recent decades, it was normal for stillborn babies to be taken away from parents without any further detail of where they were buried.
The theory behind this was that any connection between parents and a stillborn baby would prolong grief.
Bereaved parents were instead told by medical staff that their child was buried alongside a ‘nice person’ that same day – although babies were often instead interred in mass graves in cemeteries.
Now, parents of stillborn babies can choose to be as involved in decisions about their infant as they wish, with regulations since 2016 ensuring wishes for cremation are respected.
The baby loss charity Sands works to help anyone affected by the death of a baby, with 13 families a day in Britain losing their child before, during or shortly after birth.
Jen Coates, its director of bereavement support, told today: ‘The discovery of the mass grave in Oldham is absolutely heartbreaking and especially so for anyone who thinks that their baby may be buried there.
‘Sands is here to offer emotional support to anyone in Oldham and across the UK who has been affected by this upsetting news. We are thinking of all bereaved parents and families and their babies at this very sad time.’
She added: ‘We know that parents never forget their babies. We are often contacted by bereaved parents whose baby died many years ago and who now want to find out what happened to their baby’s body.
‘Although Sands cannot trace babies’ graves we can offer advice and support to anyone who is trying to find out where their baby or the baby of a family member may be buried. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with Sands.’
Meanwhile a team at Bournemouth University is currently working on mapping mass graves around the world, as well as producing guidance on doing so which was published just last week.
In May, the case of bereaved mother Gina Jacobs was raised in Parliament after she found the grave of her baby son at Landican cemetery in Birkenhead, 53 years after he was stillborn.
The 79-year-old had spent half a century not knowing the whereabouts of his body, but finally tracked him down in 2022 after watching a series about the issue on local BBC television, and decided to name him Robert.
Great-great-grandmother Ms Jacobs has since helped other bereaved mothers to find more than 60 babies at her local cemetery, and received the Wirral Award in recognition of her work.
Speaking about what mothers used to be told by medical staff, Ms Jacobs told BBC News: ‘The mums were told to go home and get on with it. I mean, one lady was told ‘plenty more where those came from’.’
Ms Jacobs has been calling for an official apology and her local Labour MP at the time, Margaret Greenwood, took the issue to Parliament.
Paula Jackson from the charity ‘Brief Lives – Remembered’ recommends asking at the nearest council-run cemetery to where the baby died, as that is where most were taken.
Make sure you have the right details, such as the date, as many people misremember.
If you have no luck, try asking at local churches and undertakers, some of whom keep records going back years.
The hospital where the baby was born may also be able to help.
Ms Jackson’s charity has temporarily closed its waiting list so it can catch up on request for searches.
It was raised at Prime Minister’s Questions – and while Rishi Sunak stopped short of issuing an apology, he said that ‘one of the most incredible things about doing his job was meeting people like Gina’.
In Oldham, the mass unmarked resting place was discovered at Royton Cemetery and contains the remains of 145 stillborn infants, 128 babies and young children and 29 adults.
A local resident made the discovery while searching for the grave of her twin brothers who died shortly after they were born in 1962. Her parents could never say goodbye to their sons before they were taken away from them.
Local councillors Maggie Hurley and Jade Hughes said the 12ft by 12ft plot might not be the only mass grave in the cemetery, claiming there could be more in different sections.
The adults discovered in the grave are likely to be ‘pauper’s burials’ for people whose families could not pay for a proper burial.
Ms Hurley and Ms Hughes released a statement on the ‘heartbreaking’ discovery, saying: ‘It’s a stark injustice that parents were denied the fundamental right to bury their babies, a right that should be inherent and unquestionable. This situation should stir our collective sense of fairness and empathy.
‘We cannot change what has happened, but we can ensure that the babies born sleeping are named, recognised, and never forgotten.’
A council meeting on September 11 will discuss plans to erect a memorial to the buried children, reported The Oldham Times. Records and documents will also be digitalised for families to easily access them.
Oldham Council’s leader Arooj Shah said: ‘We understand this news will be upsetting for a lot of people and our thoughts are with them.
‘As a matter of urgency we will consider the suggestion being made and what may be appropriate to recognise those buried in Royton by providing a suitable memorial.
‘Our staff are here to support any families who think they may be affected. This is not a newly discovered grave. Sadly, the burying of people, including babies and children, in unmarked graves happened in graveyards all around the country years ago.
‘Thankfully, things have changed and improved over the years. The Government now pay for the funerals of stillborn babies and anyone up to the age of 18 if necessary. Public graves are no longer used.
‘Today, when a request is made for burial in a public grave, the arrangements are usually made by the relevant hospital via a funeral director. Often the hospital chaplaincy organises the burial or cremation of the individual.
‘The council cemeteries staff also works with the funeral director and carry out the expressed wishes. The hospital and ourselves keep records of the burial, which can be located by families whenever they want.
‘Alternatively, the family can make their own arrangements for burial in an individual grave plot via a funeral director and would install their own memorial.’